


alola friends

by pokemuffin



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Arora-chichou | Alola, Group chat, Multi, Texting, chat fic, i really don't know what to tag this, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-06-29 14:06:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19831786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokemuffin/pseuds/pokemuffin
Summary: ash makes a group chat. it all goes downhill from there





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this first chapter at 1am and i'm now very tired but here... have this

**Ash added Kiawe, Lana, Lillie, and 2 others to the group!**

**Ash named the group alola friends**

Ash: whats up yall

Sophocles: eyes emoji

Lana: oh how fun. can't wait for this to blow up my phone at 3am

Lillie: None of you should be up at 3AM!

Sophocles: uhhhh

Ash: sweats //

Sophocles: ASH???

Lana: ASH I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE THE ONE SANE PERSON HERE

Ash: HAVE U MET ME

Lana: actually yeah as soon as i sent that i wanted to take it back

Lana: lillie is the one sane person here

Sophocles: hey can we go back to why ash is up at 3am

Lana: yeah sure

Lana: ASH

Lillie: Ash, if you're up at 3AM, how on Earth do you manage to have as much energy as you do during the day?

Lillie: Also, thank you Lana! I'm not sure I can live up to the title of the sane one however. ^^'

Ash: im not ALWAYS up at 3

Ash: nightmares bad sometimes :////

Lana: well now i feel bad

Ash: no!!!!

Lillie: Well, if it is nightmares then I understand. I occasionally cannot get back to sleep after a particularly bad dream either.

Sophocles: ash i'll probably be awake anyway hmu if you're not good

Ash: akdhdksj!!! thank u guys

Mallow: y'all make a group chat while i'm waitressing and make it wholesome while i'm not here

Lillie: I'm sorry Mallow!

Mallow: i'm jking don worry lills!!

Sophocles: lmao i'm not

Mallow: wow thanks

Lillie: Say, Ash, would you mind if I added my big brother to this chat? I believe he would find it fun!

Ash: oh ofc!!! i dont have his nmber so go ahead

Lillie: Thank you!

**Lillie added Gladion to the group!**

Gladion: ???

Ash: gladion!! hello

Gladion: what is this

Ash: every1 from our class plus u now!! 

Gladion: oh. okay

Gladion: why am I here?

Lillie: You need more friends, big brother.

Lillie: Make some.

Lana: oh my GOD

Gladion: please confirm

Gladion: is she only this mean to me

Mallow: she is the sweetest person in the class

Lana: i'm so proud

Ash: once she insulted pikachu to my face

Lana: excuse me

Lillie: I didn't mean to!

Ash: she came up to me after our battle where we swapped pokemon and flat out let me know pikachu is very difficult to work with, unlike, for example, snowy

Lillie: I just meant that as in Snowy only knows one move! Pikachu knows four! I couldn't keep up…

Ash: u also said pikachu should eat more berries and i should try to give him a balanced diet

Lillie: That's on you.

Ash: WOW U MEANT THAT ONE?

Lillie: Slightly.

Sophocles: oh this gc is going wonderfully already

Lana: LILLIE

Mallow: i have never been more proud of her

Gladion: so just me and ash?

Gladion: ...why

Lillie: You know why, brother.

Ash: wait u said that for a reason??

Gladion: I do not know. please enlighten me

Lillie: Very well. I shall private message you.

Ash: am i not allowed to know?????

Lillie: I do not believe my brother would like me telling you all that much.

Gladion: wait

\---

**lills --- > Big Brother**

lills: He is your crush, is he not?

Big Brother: LILLIE

lills: I must be prepared to tease my future brother-in-law, as I do now with my brother-in-blood.

Big Brother: L I L L I E

lills: Yes?

Big Brother: oh I am so glad you didn't say that in the gc

lills: As I said, I did not believe you would appreciate it. Therefore, I held back.

Big Brother: .

Big Brother: well thank you for that at least

lills: If it helps, Gladion, Ash is very nice. I like him a lot. I would approve of you and him dating.

Big Brother: thank you lillie. that does not help

\---

**alola friends**

Mallow: you're saying the reason your little sister can't help on the farm is because it's /unsafe/?

Kiawe: Yes, of course

Mallow: isn't there like?? an adult at least 20 feet away from her at all times

Kiawe: Well, yes

Ash: still cant believe none of u appreciated my essay on how danny fenton is trans

Mallow: so they would keep her safe right

Sophocles: i appreciated it i'm just confused as to when you wrote it and how it's better than all your actual schoolwork

Gladion: how did so much happen while we were gone

Ash: OH youre back!!!

Lillie: Yes, hello everyone.

Ash: do i get to know the secret

Lillie: I don't believe so.

Gladion: absolutely not

Ash: BUT IT INVOLVES ME??

Lillie: Very much so.

Ash: im >:////

Kiawe: But she could trip and fall or knock something over and hurt herself or drop a milk jug on her foot or one of the pokemon could hurt her have you seen a tauros

Mallow: b

Mallow: but

Sophocles: yo guys i may have just found a way to make my vikavolt vr armour goggles have more pixels

Mallow: kiawe there are adults watching her

Ash: soph i dont know what that means but i believe in u

Kiawe: But I'm not!

Gladion: are we ignoring the fact there are two entirely different conversations going on at once here

Lana: such is the magic of group chats

Mallow: but there are??? /adults/???????

Mallow: your /parents/??????????????

Lillie: If your sister wants to help on the farm, why are you stopping her? Wouldn't the extra hand be good?

Mallow: YES THANK YOU LILLS

Kiawe: It won't help if she gets hurt

Ash: but if u keep sheltering her she wont learn like valuable life lessons or whatever

Lana: what ash is saying is you're stunting her growth

Ash: i did not say that

Ash: that sounds worse than what i said

Gladion: oh are we all hopping on the conversation #2 train?

Sophocles: i'm working on the vikavolt goggles so i'll be spotty

Ash: heck yeah go do cool invent-y things

Kiawe: Are you all against me here

Ash: kiawe not to call u out but the first time i went to ur farm you saw mimo carrying a kinda big bottle of milk and u Dove For It

Kiawe: She could've hurt herself!

Ash: so u Dove for the bottle?

Ash: evn mimo was like "wh. why. i can do things"

Ash: then she asked if u were too overprotective and i was like "i mean dude he just Dove for the bottle arceus"

Lana: kiawe: sees mimo with a slightly too heavy for his standards bottle

Lana: kiawe, qwop running toward her: NO-

Mallow: SKDHDKSJSJDJS

Ash: AKSJSJJAJSJ GOD QWOP

Ash: oh whoops gtg take a shower

Gladion: have fun

Ash: pls do not say have fun in response to me taking a shower

Gladion: you can't stop me

Ash: :(

Ash: ok seeyall!!

Mallow: bye!!

Lana: seeya

Lana: so please tell me every time someone says the word Dove they have to capitalise it from now on

**Gladion changed Kiawe’s name to Dove!**

Dove: I hate you all

\---

Ash: so bad decision number 1 today: ate shampoo on purpose

Lana: ash,

Gladion: why

Ash: it said it could be used as toothpaste on the bottle

Lana: it what

Ash: it SAID put some on your toothbrush nd brush as normal nd my immediate thought was oh its edible

Ash: pikachus laughin at me

Lana: rest assured i am too

Gladion: who would use shampoo as toothpaste anyway

Ash: honestly prbbly me

Lana: not gonna lie ash would do that

Gladion: god he would huh

Ash: i think i have?

\---

**Big Brother --- > lills**

Big Brother: god he’s so stupid I love him

lills: I know, brother.

Big Brother: are you just watching the gc

lills: I don’t believe there is anything I could add.

lills: Why Ash has drank shampoo on purpose is beyond me.

Big Brother: because he’s ash do you need anything else

lills: I suppose not.

\---

**alola friends**

Ash: i definitely have

Lana: hey ash quick question

Lana: do you have a criminal record

Ash: ……………….perhaps

Lana: WAIT DO YOU

Gladion: HELLO??

Ash: i accidentally stole like a boat once

Ash: like a big boat. nd crashed it

Lana: HOW DO YOU ACCI DE N TAL LY STEAL A BOAT

Ash: pikachu got on it nd apparently brock got on w him bcuz ???

Ash: and obv we all followed brock

Ash: and then i drove and crashed it

Lana: WHY DID YOU DRIVE

Ash: i honestly do not know

Ash: i was like i wanna drive! and then they let me?

Gladion: I thought brock was responsible

Gladion: why would he let the child drive

Ash: misty also let me drive

Gladion: aren’t they both gym leaders??????

Ash: brock isnt anymore but mist is

Lillie: I feel Gym Leaders should be more responsible…

Lillie: How old were you when that happened?

Ash: hi lillie!!

Ash: also i think 10?

Lillie: Why in the name of Arceus would they let a ten year old drive a boat? Is that not illegal?

Ash: in kanto ur legally an adult when u turn 10

Lillie: Oh my God, I read about that once. It’s true?

Ash: yeah bt like every1 still calls you kid so whats really the truth @ kanto government

Lillie: Ash, since you came to Alola from Kanto, that means you are legally an adult. If you turn legal age in your home region and go to another where the legal age is higher, you’re still an adult.

Lana: wait ash is WHAT

Ash: IM WHAT

Ash: lillie are u telling me i am legally kiawes superior

Lillie: You are, legally, all of our superiors.

Lillie: If something were to happen and no other adults were around, you would be responsible for us.

Ash: ive nvr LEGALLY been the responsible one in a group before

Lana: implying you have been the responsible one at some point

Ash: :( i HAVE i swear

Gladion: sis are you telling ME ash is legally my superior

Lillie: Legally, yes. Though I doubt that will stop you.

Gladion: stop me from what

Lillie: Anything, really. Laws have never stopped you before.

Lillie: Although, it is Ash, so maybe he would stop you.

Gladion: lillie if you are implying what I think you're implying,

Lillie: I probably am.

Ash: wait whats she implying

Lillie: Oh, you know.

Ash: I DONT THATS WHY IM ASKING

Lana: did lillie just say "oh you know" but grammatically correct?

Lana: i'm so proud

Mallow: same

Ash: mallow did u just come on 2 tell lillie ur proud?

Mallow: perhaps

Mallow: i'm on break

Lillie: I just said one sentence? Why are you proud of me?

Mallow: i'm always proud of you

Lana: god who isn't

Mallow: fools

Lana: fools.

Lillie: Oh! Well, thank you both!

Lillie: I'm proud of you as well! <3

Lana: djshjajadj

\---

**lana!! 🌊 --- > pika boy**

lana!! 🌊: every day i get gayer

lana!! 🌊: WAIT WRONG PERSON

pika boy: NONONO WAIT A SEC

pika boy: HELLO???

lana!! 🌊: HAHA JUST KIDDING! NOT GAY

pika boy: lana im gay as well but ur like Gay For Someone and thats what im interested in

lana!! 🌊: YOU'RE WHAT

pika boy: ITS LILLIE HUH

lana!! 🌊: IF I TOLD YOU NO WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME

pika boy: ABSOLUTELY NOT

lana!! 🌊: FUCK

lana!! 🌊: you know since we're doing this?

lana!! 🌊: MALLOW ALSO CUTE NGL

pika boy: POLYAM LESBIANS DESERVE ALL MY UWUS

lana!! 🌊: this is PEAK wlw mlm solidarity

pika boy: it IS

lana!! 🌊: however now i've told you mine you like legally have to tell me your gay crush?

pika boy: i take back my last text

lana!! 🌊: SO YOU HAVE ONE

pika boy: I DONT LEGALLY HAVE 2 TELL U ANYTHING IM UR SUPERIOR

lana!! 🌊: WE ALL KNOW I'M YOUR SUPERIOR IN HEART NOW TELL ME WHO THE FUCK YOUR GAY CRUSH IS

pika boy: NO!!

lana!! 🌊: I TOLD YOU B O T H OF MINE GIVE ME YOURS

pika boy: MY MORALS CANT ARGUE W THAT ND IM MAD ABT IT

pika boy: ur name in my phone is all pretty and has a wave emoji in it and everything im gonna change it so it has a sad face instead

lana :(: too bad, pika boy

pika boy: pika boy???

lana :(: your name in my phone

pika boy: PIKA BOY??????

lana :(: NOT ANYMORE NOW IT'S PIKA BITCH BOY

pika bitch boy: DJHDJAJAJDJSJ

lana :(: don't think i don't notice you sliding past the subject on heelies who's your gay crush

pika bitch boy: :((((

pika bitch boy: ,,,,,,,, gladion

lana :(: GLADION

lana :(: YOU'RE CRUSHING ON THE FUCKING EMO??

pika bitch boy: LISTEN,

pika bitch boy: i dont actually have an excuse hes just CUTE

pika bitch boy: he did this really soft smile last week when we met up? nd my heart went AH. GAY

lana :(: we're both crushing on the aether siblings. peak solidarity

pika bitch boy: PEAK solidarity

pika bitch boy: who did u mean 2 send the evry day i get gayer text 2 btw

lana: :(: sophocles. bi partner in crime

pika bitch boy: wonderful. another to add to our ranks

lana :(: not to disappoint you but you're the one being added

pika bitch boy: hey is anyone in the gc straight

lana :(: i think lillie is

pika bitch boy: yeah well one second

lana :(: hey ash? ash what are you doing? ash?

\---

**alola friends**

Ash: yo say i if ur lgbt me n lana have come to a realisation

Sophocles: i

Lana: fkshsk ash

Lana: i

Dove: I

Mallow: i!

Gladion: I

Lillie: I!

Ash: TOLD U

Ash: (also i)

Lana: oh my god we are all gay

Ash: yea

Sophocles: i'm bi

Dove: Same

Mallow: just a lesbean over here

Lana: same

Lillie: I'm… not sure what I am, but I know girls… are pretty.

Gladion: bi as well

Ash: and i'm just gay man

Sophocles: has anyone here ever been in a relationship

Sophocles: just silence huh

Lana: oh, have you?

Sophocles: i don't legally have to answer that question

Ash: sorry professor kukui called me

Ash: i have!

Lana: you WHAT

Mallow: are you telling me ash is a functional gay

Ash: i never said that

Ash: i dated gary for a bit but we split up cuz it wasnt workin

Ash: still best friends tho

Dove: Gary?

Ash: you might know him as professor gary oak or whatever

Lillie: YOU DATED GARY OAK?

Sophocles: all caps lillie that's rare and ENTIRELY WARRANTED YOU D A T E D GARY OAK??????

Ash: yea

Lana: hey isn't gary oak like, an asshole?

Ash: ...yea?

\---

**lana :( --- > pika bitch boy**

lana :(: you have a type and it's shitheads after they warm up to you

pika bitch boy: LANA


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO PROOFREADING WE DIE LIKE MEN

**alola friends**

Ash: yall ive just discovered #notmychosenone on twitter nd im losing my MIND

Ash: this was the wrong chat but im stickin w it

Sophocles: what's #notmychosenone

Ash: DUDE SO MANY PPL ARE SAYING IM NOT THE CHOSEN ONE OF LIKE MULTIPLE PROPHECIES BECAUSE IM /GAY/

Sophocles: .

Sophocles: NOW WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL THAT

Ash: i am BEGGING u to go on twitter nd search the tag

Ash: ancient prophecy: ash is the chosen one that will bring the world back to balance whenever its disrupted

Ash: these ppl: mmmm but hes GAY

Sophocles: SORRY YOU'RE WHAT

Ash: im gay

Sophocles: yeah no shit i meant YOU'RE THE C HO SEN O NE

Ash: unfortunately

Sophocles: i'm like losing my entire mind

Ash: SAME BUT WITH THIS TAG

**Sophocles changed Ash's name to the literal fucking chosen one**

the literal fucking chosen one: this is not the first time this has happened

Mallow: what's up guhoLY SHIT

Mallow: to quote soph

Mallow: NOW WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL THAT

Lillie: Every time I learn something about Ash I get slightly more scared of him.

Sophocles: hey ash if you're like the Actual Chosen One does that mean you, like, lowkey have the power to destroy the world

the literal fucking chosen one: well its not lowkey any MORE

Mallow: hey ash i found your twitter and the first thing i see is "YO PALKIA HOMOPHOBIC" that you apparently posted at 2am last night?

the literal fucking chosen one: palkias homophobic what do u want me to say

Sophocles: why they're homophobic

the literal fucking chosen one: they tried to kill me? next question

Lillie: Hey Ash… has /Pikachu/ defeated any legendaries?

the literal fucking chosen one: oh yeah tons!

Dove: So Pikachu is powerful enough to defeat legendaries but is on par with Turtonator? That doesn't make sense

the literal fucking chosen one: ,,, weve been told if either of us were to go full power wed destroy a lot of things

the literal fucking chosen one: so we dont!

the literal fucking chosen one: and were not allowed to train to use it to our full potential nd not destroy things which sucks

the literal fucking chosen one: actually ive been told i can do aura training but only w an aura professional nd i. cant find any

Mallow: so what you're saying is you could kill all of us in a second with your mind

the literal fucking chosen one: physically? yes, i could kill all of u

the literal fucking chosen one: but emotionally? imagine the toll

Lillie: Aura? Like a Lucario?

the literal fucking chosen one: yep!! like a lucario

Sophocles: hey ash do you think you could be scientifically classified as a pokemon

the literal fucking chosen one: u kno? perhaps

Mallow: ash, the prophecy pokemon

Sophocles: type: wild

Dove: While it looks and acts relatively harmless, rest assured. It can kill you

Lillie: Found in: Pallet Town, Kanto.

the literal fucking chosen one: yall rlly made n entire pokedex entry for me huh

Mallow: hey not to go off topic and not to stalk you ash but i'm scrollin through your twitter replies

the literal fucking chosen one: "not to stalk u but im goin thru ur convos" weird flex

Mallow: SHUT UP

Sophocles: DKSHAKADHKSH

Mallow: anyway a bunch of people call you?? satoshi on here??

the literal fucking chosen one: yea

Mallow: ??????

the literal fucking chosen one: thats my name?

Mallow: your name is ash

the literal fucking chosen one: did u rlly think my full first name was ash??

the literal fucking chosen one: im kantonian

Dove: Your name is Satoshi?

the literal fucking chosen one: yea

the literal fucking chosen one: i go by ash bc satoshi is """too hard to pronounce :(((((""" and """do u have a short name :((((((((((((("""

Sophocles: damn… racism

the literal fucking chosen one: racism!

Lillie: So why Ash?

the literal fucking chosen one: oh im abt to blow yalls minds

the literal fucking chosen one: sAtoSHi

Lillie: Stoi?

Lillie: OH

Sophocles: STOI

the literal fucking chosen one: DKSHSKAHDKAHSJAHJS

**Mallow changed Lillie's name to stoi**

Dove: STOI

Mallow: IM GODJNG TO CRU OVER STOI

Lana: S T O I

stoi: I am so sorry, Ash.

the literal fucking chosen one: LILLIE IM CRY LAUGHING DONT B SORRY

Lana: THIS IS SBEVE ALL OVER AGAIN

the literal fucking chosen one: s t o i

the literal fucking chosen one: (also hello lana!!)

Lana: (hewwo)

the literal fucking chosen one: (nevermind!!)

Sophocles: it's time to stoi

Gladion: what's going on here

the literal fucking chosen one: glads PLEASE scroll up

Gladion: holy shit

Gladion: stoi…

the literal fucking chosen one: language bt yeah thats my legal name now ig

Lana: we just gonna ignore the fact you called gladion glads?

\---

**pika bitch boy --- > lana :(**

pika bitch boy: we r if u wanna keep ur toes

lana :(: WHAT

\---

**alola friends**

the literal fucking chosen one: lmao yeah

Lana: DAMN OKAY

Mallow: i feel like i'm missing something here

Lana: haha :) no i just had caps lock on :)

**Mallow changed Lana's name to suspicious**

suspicious: thank you mallow very cool

**suspicious changed Gladion's name to glads**

suspicious: i forgot i can change names here

the literal fucking chosen one: SAY GOODBYE TO UR TOES LANA

the literal fucking chosen one: whoops that was meant to b in dms

suspicious: NOW YOU'VE DONE THAT I CAN SAY THIS

the literal fucking chosen one: NO WAIT

suspicious: CALL OUT POST: STOI "ASH" KETCHUM THREATENED ME

the literal fucking chosen one: AAAAAAAA

the literal fucking chosen one: now im gonna steal ur toes AND fingers lan

suspicious: no wait i need those

the literal fucking chosen one: mm. do u?

suspicious: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Mallow: WHAT IS GOING ON

Sophocles: HEY WHEN DID YOU TWO BECOME SUCH GOOD FRIENDS

the literal fucking chosen one: shared experiences…

suspicious: we're both gay LMAO

glads: HEY WHAT'S THE SIGNIFICANCE OF GLADS?

the literal fucking chosen one: NOTHING DONT WORRY ABT IT

glads: I AM???

the literal fucking chosen one: I NICKNAME ALL MY FRIENDS!!!

the literal fucking chosen one: I CALLED LANA LAN A MINUTE AGO

glads: WHY ARE YOU YELLING THEN

the literal fucking chosen one: im not

glads: you WERE

the literal fucking chosen one: u have no proof

glads: I literally do

the literal fucking chosen one: U Have No Proof

\---

**lana :( --- > pika bitch boy**

lana :(: a friend huh :)

lana :(: LMAO THAT "im not" ASH HOW GAY CAN YOU GET

pika bitch boy: IM BEIN BULLIED

lana :(: LOVINGLY BULLIED

pika bitch boy: IS IT RLLY LANA? IS IT

lana :(: lmao no

pika bitch boy: .

pika bitch boy: im callin u out

lana :(: for what

lana :(: ASH FOR WHAT

\---

**alola friends**

the literal fucking chosen one: call out post for  **@suspicious**

the literal fucking chosen one: said she doesnt love me

Mallow: excuse me

Sophocles: damn lana looks like you're getting kicked

glads: lana you better fight me 1v1 I'll be waiting at mallow's

suspicious: I DID NOT SAY I DIDN’T LOVE YOU

suspicious: however i’m having second thoughts

the literal fucking chosen one: :(

Dove: Lana no

glads: LANA I’M WAITING AT MALLOW’S

stoi: He is, by the way. We were at Mallow’s anyway.

suspicious: oh don’t worry i’m on my way

Sophocles: oh i gotta see this i’m also on my way don’t start w o me

the literal fucking chosen one: U CANT FIGHT OVER ME

the literal fucking chosen one: without me there

Dove: I have farm work I can’t come

Mallow: don’t worry kiawe if i remember i’ll keep you updated

Dove: Thanks I think

Mallow: Y’ALL I LOOK OUTSIDE AND I JUST SEE ASH RACE PAST THE WINDOW

glads: HOW DID HE GET HERE SO QUICK

Mallow: ash, actually SLAMMING THE DOOR INTO THE WALL: YO IS LANA HERE YET

Mallow: lillie, a sensible person: NO WHAT

the literal fucking chosen one: HEY I THINK I MIGHTVE BROKE THE DOOR

Mallow: ASH IF YOU BROKE THE DOOR I CAN AND WILL KILL YOU

the literal fucking chosen one: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

suspicious: I’M STILL ON MY WAY BUT DID HE ACTUALLY

Mallow: HE D I D

the literal fucking chosen one: IM SO SORRY

Mallow: MY DAD IS GONNA KILL M E FORGET ME KILLING ASH

the literal fucking chosen one: I CAN PAY FR IT

Sophocles: i can probably fix the door

Mallow: SOPH IF YOU CAN FIX THE DOOR I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER

Sophocles: what did he do to it

the literal fucking chosen one: I RIP[PED THE FUCKI NFDFJKSDLGSL

the literal fucking chosen one: I SRDAHYKALKHSGJKD

Sophocles: ARE YOU GOOD?

stoi: Ash is currently cry-laughing and sobbing that he can’t type.

Mallow: HE’S TRYING TO SAY HE R I P P E D T H E H I N G E

suspicious: I’M ALMOST THERE BUT ARE WE GONNA IGNORE THE FACT ASH SAID THE FUCK WORD

Mallow: HOLYSH IT

stoi uploaded an image!

[A very blurry photo of Ash lying on the ground, curled up laughing. His phone is lying on the floor next to him. Pikachu is poking his face.]

stoi: We’re so lucky it’s Sunday and the restaurant is closed.

Mallow: gladion is torn between being in fight mode and gaypdugsklg

stoi: GLADION, YOU CAN’T THROW PEOPLES’ PHONES!

Sophocles: I’M HERE

Sophocles: THE DOOR IS ON THE FLOOR Y’ALL

Dove: I’m literally going to cry

Sophocles: i could hear ash shrieking from miles away

the literal fucking chosen one: im hsjkldghjks

the literal fucking chosen one: calmr now

Mallow: barely

Mallow: ALSO MY PHONE HAS A CRACK IN IT NOW THANKS GLADION

suspicious: i’m almost there

Mallow: ARCEUS I FORGOT WHY WE WERE HERE

the literal fucking chosen one: HJKhsddkah=hsdkghajkhkajhSHGKSDJHGJKJALHLSADGSADGHKJSDG

suspicious: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS

suspicious: wow that door really is gone huh

stoi: Lana came in and Gladion just yelled “FIGHT ME!”, so I think we’re off to a good start.

the literal fucking chosen one: SAASSAHGJKSDGHJKSDGH L A NA

Dove: I LEAVE TO WASH THE MUDBRAYS FOR 20 MINUTES

the literal fucking chosen one: HEY KIAWE LANA JUS TACKLED GLADS TO THE GR OU ND

Dove: WHAT

Sophocles: WE;RE WITNESSIGN A WRESLTING MATHC

Mallow: I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE A POKEMON BATTLE

the literal fucking chosen one: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

stoi: I rescued their phones.

Mallow: how are you so calm

stoi: This is a normal activity for my brother, and honestly? Lana seems like the type.

Dove: I’m losing my MIND and I’m not even THERE

Mallow: I DON’T KNOW WHERE SOPHOCLES GOT POPCORN?? BUT I WANT SOME

Sophocles: it’s sweet

Mallow: ew nevermind

the literal fucking chosen one: mallow IM abt to fight U

Mallow: try me

Mallow: SAGH NTO LIKSE THAT

Dove: What happened

Mallow: HHE IRIN TIAALEDE ME

Dove: HE IRON TAILED YOU?

Mallow: YEAJK

stoi: HE JUST SAID “PIKACHU?” AND HE IMMEDIATELY USED IRON TAIL ON MALLOW?

stoi: Sophocles gave me some of his popcorn. We are having an amazing time.

Sophocles: i got ash and mallow’s phones. they are also wrestling

stoi: This is better than WWE.

Sophocles: lillie do you watch wwe

stoi: Occasionally! I find it entertaining to watch how good at acting the wrestlers are.

Sophocles: oh you’re so valid

stoi: Thank you! :)

Dove: Is everyone else still fighting? Are you guys talking about WWE while two fights go on in front of you

stoi: Yes.

Sophocles: yup

Sophocles: oh no

stoi: Sophocles, what was on Ash’s phone?

stoi: Ah. Oh no.

Dove: What happened???

stoi: Sophocles: Ash, you just got a text from Professor Kukui.

stoi: The entire room: Silence.

Dove: Oh no

\---

**prof. kukui --- > Ash**

prof. kukui: Ash, where did you go? Are you okay? Rotom is freaking out.

Ash: oh sorry professor!! i’m at mallow’s

prof. kukui: That’s fine with me, but maybe tell me next time?

prof. kukui: Also, Rotom’s left the house and is flying to you.

Ash: oh no

Ash: also i will! but also why would you tell rotom

prof. kukui: He was screaming in my ear.

prof. kukui: You deserve it.

Ash: ,,, thanks professor

prof. kukui: Anytime.

\---

**alola friends**

the literal fucking chosen one: so i may have frgtn to tell the professor or rotom where i went

Mallow: ASH DID YOU DITCH ROTOM

the literal fucking chosen one: NOT ON PURPOSE

the literal fucking chosen one: i got excited

suspicious: ABOUT ME AND GLADION FIGHTING EACH OTHER??

the literal fucking chosen one: YEAH

the literal fucking chosen one: who won btw

suspicious: me

glads: me

the literal fucking chosen one: ok!

Sophocles: i could FEEL the “now we don’t have time to unpack all that” in that ok

the literal fucking chosen: in anycase i gtg! bc otherwise rotom will blow all ur eardrums

glads: you don’t have to leave

suspicious: yes you do, if rotom screams anywhere near me i might actually strangle gladion to death

glads: I’d be fine with that

the literal fucking chosen one: i wouldnt! goodbye

stoi: There he goes.

Mallow: now i have no one to fight. who should be my next target

Mallow: SOPHOCLES

Sophocles: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


	3. Chapter 3

**alola friends**

the literal fucking chosen one: oh boy 4am

glads: ash why are you awake

the literal fucking chosen one: GLADION WHY ARE U AWAKE

glads: I ASKED YOU FIRST??

the literal fucking chosen one: TOO BAD

glads: no but seriously why are you awake

the literal fucking chosen one: had a nightmare can i get an f

glads: f?

the literal fucking chosen one: thank u ur the best

glads: I try

the literal fucking chosen one: so why /are/ u awake

glads: same as you

the literal fucking chosen one: oh f

glads: I don't know what that means

the literal fucking chosen one: uncultured

the literal fucking chosen one: ,,, hey where are u rn

glads: actually pretty close to the pokemon school

glads: why

the literal fucking chosen one: hm. wanna meet up

glads: ???

the literal fucking chosen one: lowkey i snuck out

the literal fucking chosen one: and by lowkey i mean highkey

glads: that's. unlike you

the literal fucking chosen one: u learn smth new everyday!

the literal fucking chosen one: ,,, so do u wanna meet up or no

glads: yeah sure

glads: where are you

the literal fucking chosen one: just down on the beach

glads: I'll come down to you hang on

the literal fucking chosen one: thanks glads

glads: anytime

glads: but I still wanna know the significance of glads

the literal fucking chosen one: maybe one day, glads

glads: dkahsjahsj

glads: almost there

the literal fucking chosen one: already?

the literal fucking chosen one: oh hey i see u

the literal fucking chosen one: howd u get here so quick

glads: silvally runs fast

the literal fucking chosen one: u rode silvally to me??

the literal fucking chosen one: u couldve jus walked

glads: I wanted to get here fast

glads: also walking is boring

the literal fucking chosen one: dkahskahsj

the literal fucking chosen one: get down here

glads: I'M COMING

\---

Dove: 46 new messages all from you two? You could've done this in dms

\---

**prof. kukui --- > Ash**

prof. kukui: Ash, where are you? Both Rotom and Pikachu are panicking.

prof. kukui: Ash?

\---

**alola friends**

Mallow: something sure did happen here

Dove: It sure did

suspicious: yo it's like morning now do you think ash made it back

Mallow: they'd just be on the beach if he didn't right? so professor kukui would see them

suspicious: probably

**RotomDex added RotomDex to the group!**

suspicious: excuse me

Sophocles: hello??

RotomDex: I am so sorry to do this! But has anyone seen Ash this morning!

stoi: You can add yourself to chats?

stoi: Also, I'm afraid I haven't.

RotomDex: I can but I don't! Because Ash says privacy is important!

RotomDex: But I'm willing to bend the rules when he is missing!

Mallow: i can feel you freaking out from here

Mallow: he said he went down to the beach

RotomDex: Thank you! I'll send Rowlet to look for him right away!

RotomDex: He left all his pokémon! Which didn't seem like a good sign!

Dove: Wait really

suspicious: that is weird

suspicious: but if he just went to the beach it's not as weird

Mallow: we're talking about ash here. we're talking about the same person right

Mallow: it's weird

suspicious: you're right… hmm

RotomDex: Rowlet just got back! He did not see Ash anywhere!

suspicious: HMM

Sophocles: houugh i overslept what's going on

Dove: Ash is missing

Sophocles: wait what

suspicious: **@glads @the literal fucking chosen one** guys are you good?

RotomDex: He hasn't answered Professor Kukui! So I don't think he'll answer you!

suspicious: he hasn't answered professor kukui?

Mallow: he's probably fine and even if he's not he's ASH

Mallow: literally his nickname on here.

Mallow: he like can't die

stoi: But he can get hurt! And my brother isn't any sort of chosen one…

Sophocles: okay i just scrolled up

Sophocles: what the fuck

Dove: I can look for them on Charizard

suspicious: yo would this count as an ultra guardian thing because i'm genuinely worried

RotomDex: I think it could!

Dove: Alright everyone to the school

suspicious: talk to you there

stoi: Got it.

Sophocles: omw

Mallow: sweet

\---

suspicious: GUESS WHO FUCKIN FOUND THEM

Dove: REALLY

stoi: Oh, thank Arceus.

Mallow: AAAAA ARE THEY OKAY

suspicious: THEY'RE FINE!!

RotomDex: Thank God!

Sophocles: NICE get ash back to the school professor kukui is still Very Nervous

suspicious: i'm sorry we left you there with him

Sophocles: no you're not

suspicious: no i'm not

stoi: Where were they?

suspicious: literally like deep in the forest lmao

suspicious: lucky i spotted them tbh

the literal fucking chosen one: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Mallow: ASH

Sophocles: ASH!!!

RotomDex: Ash! Never leave without telling me again! I was so worried about you!

the literal fucking chosen one: thank u rotom but y are u in this chat

RotomDex: Uh!

**RotomDex left the group!**

the literal fucking chosen one: damn ok

Dove: Ash I just got back to the school and Professor Kukui is Angry

the literal fucking chosen one: oh no

\---

**Ash --- > prof. kukui**

Ash: HEY PROFESSOR IM SO SORRY

prof. kukui: Ash.

prof. kukui: You have got to stop leaving in the middle of the night.

Ash: its only happened twice

prof. kukui: Yes, and you have to stop it.

prof. kukui: Where are you now?

Ash: flying back to the school w lana

prof. kukui: Why were you out last night in the first place? Why did you /stay out/?

Ash: uhh

Ash: gladion. asked me to meet him because we were both awake anyway nd we fell asleep

prof. kukui: Ash, I get that you have a crush on Gladion, but you can't do that.

Ash: WHAT

Ash: professor i dont have a crush on gladion!! where did u get that from!!

prof. kukui: I really don't think you understand how obvious it is.

Ash: PROFESSOR

\---

**alola friends**

suspicious: ash is FURIOUSLY typing and his face is red and i am shocked to find out it's not because of this chat

the literal fucking chosen one: LANA DONT TEXT AND FLY

suspicious: i'm literally not you can see and hear me telling my communicator to text

the literal fucking chosen one: LA NA

Mallow: HEY DID LANA JUST CRASH INTO THE SCHOOL

suspicious: NO

Mallow: I SAW YOU

the literal fucking chosen one: SHE DID BC SHE WAS CALLING ME OUT

the literal fucking chosen one: THIS IS WHAT U G E T

Sophocles: DID SHE JUST LEGIT CRASH INTO THE SCHOOL I HEARD A VERY LOUD BANG

the literal fucking chosen one: YEA BC SHOCKINGLY WHEN U MAKE FUN OF THE CHOSEN ONE ARCEUS PUTS U IN UR PLACE

the literal fucking chosen one: thats a lie arceus pls dont smite me

suspicious: you say that like they could

the literal fucking chosen one: yeA ACTUALLY

the literal fucking chosen one: WHAT ARE U GONNA DO ARCEUS? HUH? SMITE ME?

the literal fucking chosen one: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

suspicious: LIGHTNING JUST CAME DOWN ENXT TO HS OUT OD NOWHERWE

the literal fucking chosen one: thanks arceus

the literal fucking chosen one: love u too

Dove: Ash please don’t die before we get you back to the professor

the literal fucking chosen one: no promises!

stoi: I went pretty far out… I’ll be there in a bit!

glads: what happened here

glads: ash did you almost die AGAIN

the literal fucking chosen one: GLADION!! u found ur phone?

the literal fucking chosen one: also yeah lmao whoops

glads: silvally had it for some reason

suspicious: hey i didn’t get a chance to ask

suspicious: what the FUCK happened last night

the literal fucking chosen one: does anyone rlly need to know that

suspicious: ash if you don’t tell me i will legit assume you made out the entire night

the literal fucking chosen one: SAJFHSAKJFHAS NO

glads: WHY WOULD WE

the literal fucking chosen one: EXACTLY

glads: haha… why would we do that

the literal fucking chosen one: cant believe this

Mallow: so like you did right

the literal fucking chosen one: NO

the literal fucking chosen one: literally we just TALKED guys

Dove: How did you go from the beach to the forest

the literal fucking chosen one: i was cold so we went into the forest bc its WARMER thats IT

suspicious: you were literally so deep in the forest tho

the literal fucking chosen one: i fell asleep on silvally ask glads

glads: why is glads a thing. why are we doing this

glads: anyway yeah ash fell asleep while we were riding silvally into the forest and I got distracted so we went farther than I meant and then I think I fell asleep?

glads: so really we should be asking silvally

the literal fucking chosen one: what distracted u

glads: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

the literal fucking chosen one: ???

glads: I. can’t remember

glads: I think it was a pokemon or something

the literal fucking chosen one: oh fair enough

\---

**lills --- > Big Brother**

lills: I just checked the chat.

lills: Gladion… you’re gay.

Big Brother: I KNOW LILLIE

Big Brother: I KNOW!!

Big Brother: god he’s so cute though

lills: Trust me, brother. I have heard this many times.

Big Brother: okay shut up you’re gay for mallow

lills: ???

lills: Absolutely not

Big Brother: YOU LEGIT JUST STOPPED USING PUNCTUATION I’M RIGHT

lills: NO!

Big Brother: THAT WAS A GUESS

Big Brother: A HUNCH!!

lills: I’M DISOWNING YOU!

Big Brother: YOU CAN’T DISOWN YOUR BROTHER

lills: WATCH ME!

\---

**alola friends**

stoi: Everyone, I have an announcement.

stoi: I’m disowning Gladion.

glads: YOU CAN’T DO THIS

Dove: What happened

stoi: Where’s Ash.

Sophocles: ash is busy getting a disappointed sigh from professor kukui what’s going on

glads: LILLIE

stoi: In any case, I am disowning my brother.

suspicious: not that i’m blaming you but why

glads: yeah lills :) why? :)

stoi: He accused me of something in DMs and I will never forgive him.

glads: what did I :) accuse you of :) lillie :)

Mallow: what’s going on here

stoi: Uh.

stoi: You know what? Nevermind.

glads: NO LILLIE :) WHAT DID I ACCUSE YOU OF HUH :)

stoi: NEVERMIND.

suspicious: i’m so confused

Mallow: same

\---

**Soph --- > fire man**

Soph: kiawe i genuinely don’t know how long i can take this

fire man: Same

Soph: everyone is gay for each other. just

Soph: hoough

fire man: It’s not our place to tell the chat who’s gay for who though

Soph: I KNOWWWW

Soph: BUT AAAAAAA

Soph: lillie mallow and lana are all in lesbians with each other. ash and gladion essentially went on a fucking date last night

Soph: i’m not 100% convinced ash and gladion aren’t dating as of last night actually

fire man: Yeah

fire man: You could ask them

Soph: maybe i will, kiawe

\---

**sophy ⚡ --- > other electric boy**

sophy ⚡: ash i gotta know

sophy ⚡: are you and gladion dating as of last night

sophy ⚡: right professor kukui is still telling you off

sophy ⚡: smh

sophy ⚡: ooh you got your phone back hell yeah

sophy ⚡: answer me fool

other electric boy: SOPHOCLES

other electric boy: NO!!

sophy ⚡: ARE YOU SURE

other electric boy: i wish

**[message deleted]**

sophy ⚡: ASH I SAW THAT

other electric boy: WERE NOT DATING SMH

sophy ⚡: I S A W THAT

other electric boy: i didnt see anythin :)

sophy ⚡: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I DIDN’T GET A SCREENSHOT I’M SO MAD

other electric boy: :)

sophy ⚡: HOW DID YOU EVEN DELETE THAT YOU CAN’T DELETE MESSAGES ON HERE

other electric boy: i can hack n stuff

other electric boy: cant figure out how to use a washing machine tho WHOOPS

sophy ⚡: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

sophy ⚡: i’m gonna ask gladion

other electric boy: good luck hell give u the same answer seeing as were NOT DATING

\---

**sophocles --- > emo**

sophocles: gladion are you and ash dating

emo: no??????????

emo: lmao i wish tho

sophocles: sdghkHKSDFHJKGHSDJ

sophocles: ash gave me the same answer

emo: he’s right we’re not dating

sophocles: ...the exact same answer

emo: what does that mean

sophocles: he also said he wishes you were dating him

emo: proof?

sophocles: I DON’T HAVE PROOF HE DELETED THE MESSAGES

emo: ??? YOU CAN’T DELETE MESSAGES ON HERE

sophocles: HE HACKED IT

emo: ASH CAN’T HACK? HE CAN’T EVEN USE A WASHING MACHINE

sophocles: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

\---

**sophy ⚡ --- > other electric boy**

sophy ⚡: HE GAVE ME THE E X A C T SAME ANSWER

other electric boy: I TOLD YOU

sophy ⚡: ASH I MEAN THE /E X A C T/ SAME ANSWER

other electric boy: ???

sophy ⚡: SMH HE SAID HE ALSO WISHES Y’ALL WERE DATING

other electric boy: proof

sophy ⚡ uploaded an image!

[screenshot of his and Gladion’s conversation]

other electric boy: damn ok

other electric boy: hes clearly saying it as a joke

sophy ⚡: ASH HE REALLY ISN’T

other electric boy: HE PUT LMAO BEFORE IT

sophy ⚡: AS H,

sophy ⚡: i give up

other electric boy: G O O D

\---

**Soph --- > fire man**

Soph: THEY BOTH SAID THEY WISH THEY WERE BUT WOULDN’T BELIEVE ME WHEN I TOLD THEM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

fire man: Really?

Soph uploaded 2 images!

[screenshots of his conversations with both Ash and Gladion]

Soph: i’m going to SC R E AM

fire man: Oh my god

fire man: I’ll scream with you

\---

**ash --- > glads 🖤🖤**

ash: listen ive been told im v oblivious to these things

ash: were not. actually dating are we

glads 🖤🖤: are you implying you’ve accidentally dated someone before

ash: DONT CALL ME OUT ANSWER THE QUESTION

glads 🖤🖤: SDFJSAHGJKSD no we’re not actually dating

ash: ok

ash: cool

ash: that’s fine

ash: i mean not that i wouldnt wanna

ash: im digging myself a hole

glads 🖤🖤: sahgfjkadhjks

ash: so not dating

glads 🖤🖤: not dating

ash: ok

ash: i still wish

**[message deleted]**

glads 🖤🖤: SDJGJSD YOU C A N DELETE MESSAGES?

ash: PERHAPS

glads 🖤🖤: I didn't see it what did you send

ash: nothing :)

glads 🖤🖤: hm... suspicious

ash: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really went all out with satoglad in this chapter welcome to my hell


End file.
